If You Give a Mom a Nap

**This post is in response to MamaKat’s Writer’s Workshop Prompt, “If you give a mom a (blank)…”  Based on the popular children’s book series, “If you give a mouse a…”  I almost couldn’t make it end.  The cause and effect pattern is what drives little boys.  It’s their very being!  …to test the world around them incessantly at the expense of their mother’s sanity.

…she”ll need you to be quiet.

So you’ll whisper,” night…night,” stomp down the hall

and fight over video games with your brothers.

When you spill a bucket of hot-wheels on the hardwood floor

she’ll come stomping down the hall too.

You’ll have to blame the 50 car pile-up on

your littlest brother.  And when he roars in denial,

she’ll make you all clean up.

When you finish cleaning up you’ll ask to go outside.

And your brother will ask to watch TV. And your other brother

will want to play a game.

So she’ll tell you all to put your shoes on.

But you won’t.

Two of you will be too busy whining in defeat.  The other of you will be flying

a toy plane all around the room completely oblivious that you were the

one that wanted to go outside in the first place.

So she will tell you to put your shoes on.  Again.

Louder.  Gritting her teeth.

30 minutes later you’ll have managed to get 2 time outs, a swat on the butt and

 your shoes on.  Then she’ll tell you to stay out of the mud.

So you’ll grab a plastic shovel and head down to the ditch to

try and scoop up a minnow or tadpole.

And you’ll slip and fall in.

Then she’ll make you go for a walk in your wet shoes because she needs

to get some peaceful exercise.

You’ll complain about how tired your legs are for an enitre block.

When you get back home she’ll make you rest on the bench while she

plays catch with your brothers.

But you’ll miraculously recover and grab your bike and proceed to

zoom up and over the sand pile an inordinate amount of times

exceeding super human strength!

Then she’ll grit her teeth again and send you in to do homework.

So you’ll relapse into near death exhaustion and cry out against

the unfairness and cruelty in the world.

She’ll say you need to go to bed early since you are so tired.

Which will remind her of that nap you almost gave her.

And chances are, while you’re writhing in the agony of an approaching early bed time….

she’ll fall asleep on your math homework.  Drooling and snoring when

your dad finally walks through the door.  And you’ll greet him like

Santa bringing chocolate dipped hundred dollar bills.