Flubberccino Anyone?

Let me see…….how to put this like a back stabbing sorority sister gently?

There was a woman….no, a girl.   Wait.  That’s not right either. 

 Heffer  Plus sized coed. 

Yes, those are the right words. Anyways, she was in front of me and Boo in line at Starbucks this a.m.  Now, don’t get all pissy upset with my bitchiness  honesty!    I just want to tell it from my catty unbiased perspective.

I think she ordered a keg  Venti Mocha Coconut Caramel, Crisco topped  extra shot of espresso, Bacon Brownie Frappuccino.  Might look delicious on a commercial; sweat rolling down the frosty mermaid adorned cup, sitting atop a picnic table over looking a group of kids playing by the pool, right?

Now picture this icy flubberccino Frappuccino in the hands of a 22-ish sumo wrestling orphan Annie in yellow spandex a pleasantly plump darling red head.  Got this horror picture in your mind? Good.  Now, add to this advertisement for the fat farm image a nauseatingly orgasmic groan sigh of delight with each lap sip of her lard drink.

Want one? hahaha!

Boo watched, still and frozen, in disbelief of thighs with more dimples than his entire preschool class waiting for what treat mommy would get him.I realized my mouth was gaping dry and it was my turn to order.

“Ummm…”, I stammered.

“Ohhh, this was soo worth getting up early for,”  Mrs. Michelin the coed roared said.  The folks all the way in the stock room heard her gluttony pleasure.

Me:  “I’ll have…..”

“You have to taste this!” She shoved the straw in her pals face.  “Do you taste the toasted coconut!  Amazing!”  The men reading at the table to the left swallowed down their refluxing bile  looked up in interest of the spectacle.

“I’ll have a coffee. The smallest.”  I held tight to Boo’s tiny fingers less he run in front of the cattle girls walking by.  I answered the aproned girls question, “ No, no room for cellulite cream,  please.  And…..”   I eyed the pastry shelf,  then glanced back at the camel toed, muffin tops happy friends enjoying a treat.     “…..and a multi-grained bagel with lite cream cheese hold the cottage cheese, please?”  The calorie counter spun in my head.  Boo reached for the little bags of chocolate covered graham crackers.   ”No!  You’ll thank me when you’re older it’s almost lunch time”, I spat said.

Now call me a shallow hypocritical ass silly, if you will.  But what would you have ordered!? 

Need motivation to eat right?  Just watch pigs to the trough other peoples’ food choices. I recommend the livestock coeds at Starbucks!

P.S.  I really am a bitch sweetie, aren’t I?   I just had to get this off my love handles chest.